Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
