mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
