It's Friday. Sex?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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