This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
