I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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