I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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