you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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