I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
