Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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