the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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