He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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