He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
