I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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