plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
