the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
