Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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