Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
