I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize