Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
