Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
