Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
