I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
