i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
