Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
