Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
