I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
