the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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