the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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