I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
