mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
