i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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