but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
