Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
