I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
false alarm. still invincible.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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