I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
