What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
