why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
