i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
