Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
