Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
