u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
