The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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