hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
