Moan for me like Helen Keller
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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