She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
