GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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