I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
