since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
