This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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