i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
