i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize