Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
