In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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