Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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