if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
