Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
