A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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