Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
