I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
