If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
