I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she looked like the before picture.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
