It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
