DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
