So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
