when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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